Time Traveller claims to attend 80’s Smiths concerts in order to save the world

After trying to tell Clair about 2032, female aspect of Time Traveller claims to have a plan for saving the world and denies being a total nihilist  

Greetings, Time Traveller! We welcome and congratulate you here and now!

Hi, hey, thank you.

So what have you been up to? What about 2032?

I’m alright, yeah, I just came back from a Smiths concert!

What?

Nottingham, 21st of October 1986! Oh it was brilliant! I know people like to make fun of Morrissey today, but wasn’t he just brilliant?

So you’re back from your time travelling break, I see.

Yes, yeah, it’s good to be back.

Who did you go with?

Oh I went on my own, it was a bit weird at first, being alone in a concert, and especially as a girl, you know, but then I thought to myself: bloody hell, for the people there, I’m from the future! So I felt I shouldn’t worry.

Seems like you got some of the joy of time travelling back. Does that mean 2032 is all sorted out and we’ve got nothing to worry about?

No. That’s not what it means. Do you think I should go see David Bowie next week? I mean I never really fully got him, but he’s a legend, I think I should go see him in his early years. And I know what you’re gonna ask, am I gonna tell him he’s gonna get big before he does. Well, no. I think that’s wrong.

I was going to ask whether you became a complete nihilist following our previous Alterview, and I see the answer is yes.

I really don’t see any point going into this again. Just like I said last time, as my male aspect, you can’t call me a nihilist and you can’t judge me for my actions as a Time Traveller. So don’t try to drag me into this again.

So that’s what you’re doing now? Going to concerts of old bands?

Yes. What group from the past would you like to see most, if you could?

That’s a person-oriented question.

Is it? Oh sorry.

Unless you could… ugh, what about saving the world? What about telling Clair? You were up for it last time.

Oh, I did tell Clair.

Did you?!

Yes. It’s just – it’s complex.

How did she react?

Right, it’s complex, as I said. She didn’t believe it at first. She asked for all sorts of proofs, she really, you know, looked for the logic of how it works, but I couldn’t tell her much, cos it’s of course very complex. I was a bit offended by her utter reluctance to believe me at first, but then again, would I have believed it if I were in her place? I guess I would, but that’s not the point. Finally she said she’d believe me only if I tell her everything about 2032. And I just couldn’t. I got so scared suddenly. I felt this numbing fear again, that fear I felt when I had seen 2032 myself, and then the fear of her being so afraid, too. It was just so hard, it was unbearable. I guess she saw I was struggling at that point, and she put her hand on my hand and said she believed me, and that I didn’t need to say anything more.

Oh wow.

Yeah. And I just, I don’t know what happened to me right there, I just started laughing.

What?

Yes, I just, it was like I lost it. So I started laughing and she sorta moved back and asked what’s going on, she was baffled. And then I basically told her I’m joking. I said something like ‘hahaha, I fooled you, can’t believe you almost fell for it’.

What?!  

So then I went to see The Smiths for the first time, in Leicester, 1983, cos I was just devastated. And it cheered me up. So that’s what I keep doing for now.

This is unbelievable. Have you seen her since?

Well yes, I see her almost every day on my way from the Cafe. At first it felt weird, like she’s really crossed with me –

Obviously –

And then it started getting just weirder and weirder, but in a different way. It’s not that she’s upset, it’s like she’s, she’s just being weird, like she’s suspicious of me. I mean she reads a lot of sci-fi and it’s as if she’s feeling something’s going on. So I’m more careful around her but that makes things even weirder. Just last week she was staring at my hand every time my sleeve went up, and then I realized she’s looking at an ink stamp that read ‘The Smiths Live, Birmingham, March ’84”, and I told her I just drew it on wrist, but it was on my right hand, and she knows I’m right-handed, though I tried to pretend I’m left-handed, and while doing so I accidently spilled coffee on her.

Oh dear.

Yes.

So she knows.

I don’t know, honestly. I don’t really see what my male aspect sees in her, she’s not that interesting and perfect, but she’s alright, I like her, and I don’t want her to get hurt. I just wish this whole thing didn’t happen at all.

Can’t you undo it?

I could go back and ask myself from one month ago not to talk to her about it at all, but that’s too much of a burden on the course of time. I just need to act as normal as possible until she stops thinking about it.

Maybe try washing the ink stamps from 80’s concerts to begin with.

Yeah. It was irresponsible leaving it on that day.

Or maybe just tell her and try to save the world.

I am trying to save the world.

With your Stop the Bomb flyers? We talked about this –

No, no, by attending Smiths concerts in the past. It’s part of my plan.

Oh please.

I’m serious. I found something there that’s crucial for 2032. But I can’t talk about it.

Are you saying Morrissey is going to save the world in 2032?

Well, no, no, it’s more complex.

Is there some sort of a hidden message in The Smiths music that can be heard only in live concerts?

No, but I appreciate your imagination.

Don’t you think Clair would love to join you in a past concert of The Smiths? That’d be an amazing first date for your male aspect, or for your present aspect as well, whichever way you go.

I’m just not sure she could really handle time travelling. It’s not for everyone.

Is it for you?

It’s a tough question. It is. Today I can say: yes it is. But I don’t know if I could say the same thing tomorrow. Or yesterday for that matter.

What about the plan you had regarding The Shift Manager?

Oh, that was before 2032, so it seems so long ago, and pointless in a way. Though he’s getting even more unbearable, didn’t think that was even humanly possible, but it is, he’s even more unbearable now that his wife is expecting. He’s got a 3 year old and now this on the way. How many jokes about sleepless nights can one bear? Or these supposed-to-be-funny comments about how the ‘pregnant missus’ craves all sorts of foods she ends up throwing up thirty minutes later? Unbearable.

You can stop her from being pregnant.

Right, that’s just vicious, I would never do that. Though I often think about stopping his own mother from getting pregnant. But I’m joking of course.

Of course. So what will your next time quest be?

I’ll need to get to Coventry and make it to March 10, 1984.

For another concert?

Yes.

Is there really a plan to save the world by attending these concerts?

There really is. Do you know The Smiths song “Answer”?

I don’t think they have a song by that name.

Well, not anymore.

What? But how’s that possible?

That’s all I can say.

But even if it did exist and you prevented it from existing when you time travelled a few weeks ago, then wouldn’t people in our present time notice that it disappeared?

No. It’s very, very complex.

I think I do remember them having a song called “Answer”, but if I google it there’s nothing about it.

Really? You have a memory of “Answer”?

No.

Oh. Very funny.

Thanks. Well we wish you to enjoy the concert and all the nihilism you’ve got going on. We thank you and congratulate you.

Thank you. Be safe and cherish your present time.

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